come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
