In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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