i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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