Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
