I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
