made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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