Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize