Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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