Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
