just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
