the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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