Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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