I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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