i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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