I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize