Please, let me fuck your mom
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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