both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize