I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
