all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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