how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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