i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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