No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
