conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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