Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
