Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
