Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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