the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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