Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize