Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
