he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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