Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize