what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can you bring me the toilet please
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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