i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you win again, gameday.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
