I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
