I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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