I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
