How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
