somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
