walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
