Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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