just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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