South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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