I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
bring money and cleavage
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
