I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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