K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
