Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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