Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
