I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
