i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize