If that was your dad, he is hot
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
