i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize