I skipped work to stalk him.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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