in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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