Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
