You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
