Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
only you would photoshop your dick
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
there is glitter all over my balls
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize