I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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