During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
