I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
