Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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