so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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