I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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