Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
