Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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