lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
