In the future we'll all be gay
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
