every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
