Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i think my tv is drunk
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
