If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
