Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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