i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
