so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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