So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
