The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
