but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
