I'm jealous of your bromance
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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