you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
