Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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