I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
