At least make sure they are 18
Why
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
