I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
