you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have fence marks all over my body
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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