Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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