i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just want to make out with him forever
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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