dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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