You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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