DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
