My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize