I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
the raccoons are back...
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