Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
