I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
