Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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