We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
