he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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