I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
